After The Storm – The Healing Journey from Trauma

As I pour my morning coffee into my favorite mug, another alert shows up on my phone screen. My heart races again like a wild horse on a prairie without direction. The fear of the unknown is back, and it feels so real. I have everything ready to go, but for some reason, my feet are stuck to the floor, and I can’t figure which step to take next.

My bags are still packed laying on my bedroom floor for days now. I am anxiously waiting for the local authorities to let us know if the wind will spread the wildfire even closer to my home. My area zip code is under evacuation warnings and my stress levels are unbearable at this point. My emotions are confusing and as hard to identify as a child learning how to read for the first time. For a moment, I have flashbacks of my dad packing his bags to leave us when I was only 8 years old. The terrifying fear of the unexpected, the impending doom of a dark future ahead. The alerts continue, and I feel a bit dizzy, frantically trying to choose what else to bring with me, just to realize that my most precious possessions will not fit in my suitcase. They are the people who I love. I am now in a familiar frozen state of fear, afraid to make the wrong decision, to wait for the final evacuation order or just go. Terrified again of the unknown, sweaty palms and nausea adding to the fear of losing my home and everything I worked so hard to have.

We all experience moments like this in our lifetime, and as unfortunate and tragic some of these may be, creating what the mental health field classifies as trauma, the negative feelings resulting from these experiences do not have to prevent us from being able to function in our future daily lives. I have learned that accepting that a traumatic event did happen to me, helped me tremendously on my journey to healing. That was my first step moving forward, and eventually I utilized every single resource that was within my reach. That is after I reached a very difficult emotional stage in my life. From psychotherapy to self-help books and podcasts, to reaching out to family and friends who I trusted, I fought for my inner child who desperately needed attention. The awareness of my pain led me to the start of mending my soul. Note that it was a start, I don’t think we ever finish our spiritual growth, we are always a work in progress. You cannot recover from an illness, if you are not aware you are sick. Trauma doesn’t make us stronger; it makes us wiser. And although the pain does subside, and this is great news, the scars will always be there, reminding us, that healing is possible.

According to the American Psychological Association https://www.apa.org one of the responses to trauma is avoidant behaviors, which in contrast, instead of helping us forget what happened, it just triggers the brain to keep those negative feelings in the front of our minds, as continuous alerts, to the possible similar threats to our well-being, making it very difficult to heal from the pain and sorrow from our past traumatic events. Feeling trapped in my own negative thoughts was exhausting and every time I faced a new challenging situation, I found myself reverting back to despair, fear and the “feet stuck to the ground” mode. Have I had a chance to work through my feelings at the time I was going through some of these events, perhaps, I would have developed more tools sooner to deal with the unexpected in life. I just didn’t want to resolve what I thought was unresolvable, instead I kept moving fast and forward, avoiding the past. But in my case, it did catch up with me, and when it did, I had no other choice but to face head on. I am grateful for all the lessons; I am proud of all my scars.

The National Center for PTSD https://wwwptsd.va.gov also lists several common reactions to trauma events experienced by any individual, but I don’t want to get too technical here. Some of them I have experienced myself, and still do at times, such as irritability, anxiety, nausea, headaches, heart palpitations and the list go on. For years I was desperately seeking a way out of my pattern of behaviors that were just compounding on my already complex childhood history, causing more and more distress. I just wanted to feel good about myself. It’s that simple. I wanted to take deep breaths and feel safe. But I couldn’t, I was living in the present physically, but emotionally I was still living in my past. Unresolved trauma only creates more trauma. Period. There are so many of us, suffering from trauma and the long-lasting effects. But it’s never too late to look for help. Never too late.

After many years of hard emotional and spiritual inner work to find my self-worth, I was finally able to recognize the signs and triggers that were always sending me alerts, of possible threats, and I realized that a lot of them, were false alarms causing panic and dysfunctional reactions to situations that were actually not a threat. These all stemmed from unresolved trauma. I learned that we have to reset our internal alert system after traumatic events. Sweeping the dust under the rug will not keep your floors clean in the long run.

Every one of us deals with pain differently, but here are some common and positive steps that were essential on my journey to healing, we all deserve to live physically, mentally and emotionally full healthy lives:

• Community: Surround yourself with people who lift you up, cheer for you and are trustworthy. I call them my love warriors.
• Healthy Diet: Easier said than done, but we have no choice, if you are planning to feel good and happier life, start by taking care of your body. Stock up on nutritious foods that give boost your energy and immune system.
• Exercise: Choose activities you enjoy, whether you go for a walk alone or with your favorite poochie, keep your body moving.
• Journaling: I prefer pen and paper, but you can go digital. Most importantly, is putting on paper or screen all the feelings you need to let go. Research shows that journaling can improve mental health.
• Psychotherapy: It’s impossible to list the numerous benefits of psychotherapy. The connection with a trained professional who can help you see the road ahead and shine light on all the options available for your own journey to a wholesome life, is simply priceless.

Life hits hard sometimes, really hard, and unexpected storms come our way. You find your “feet stuck to the ground”, over and over again. You see the debris and dust that have been brought to your front yard, and you don’t know if you will ever be able to clean the mess. Once the storm passes, they always do, gather your best people, your love warriors, your strongest tools and get to work.

Embrace the storm and let the water wash your fears away.

” The best way out is always through” Robert Frost

Always with love,

Ana Brown

Helpful links:

Emerge Psychology Group: https://emergepg.com

American Psychological Association https://www.apa.org

National Center for PTSD: https://www.ptsd.va.gov

National Institute of Mental Health: https://www.nimh.nih.gov