Have you ever watched a child perform in a school play? Dance or sing on a stage? Have you noticed how did they respond to their audience clapping and cheering them on? Usually, you can tell they are proud of themselves and if you are lucky you will be able to catch a big smile on their faces. I remember feeling powerful and so good about myself as a child after a piano or dance recital, because I accomplished a goal or learned a complex task. It built my sense of self. And the more I learned the better I felt about my talents and capabilities. But at some point, in our adolescence or adult lives, traumatic events can make us self-doubt or question our abilities. Faced with difficult events, adults can struggle to find solutions for adverse unexpected situations. For instance, teenagers may start comparing themselves to others, and we feel inadequate or a failure for not being able to perform as well under pressure , stress or loss. Our inner child becomes afraid and our self-esteem can be affected.
Our self-esteem is a trait we build on from early childhood. Contrary to popular belief, we are not born self-confident. Several factors can contribute or interfere with children’s and adult’s self-esteem. During our early childhood , if we have a supportive community, we are encouraged to develop skills which in turn make us feel good about ourselves, make us feel powerful and capable.
Studies show that self-esteem increases quickly up to age 30, these are the years that most of us are in school and building careers, learning complex roles. Self-esteem continues climbing but slightly more gradually up to age 60, and the sharp decline happens around age 90.
Self-esteem reflects a person’s physical self-image, view of their accomplishment and capabilities, and values and perceived success in living up to them, as well as the ways in which others view and respond to their person. The more positive the cumulative perception of these qualities and characteristics, the higher one’s self-esteem.”
According to an article by Beth Sissons on Medical News Today, several factors can directly affect one’s self-esteem or confidence such as but not limited to:
Work or school performance results
Pressure to excel from social media
Body image
Community support
Skill levels
Achievements
Pressure to fit in
Perfectionism
Bullying from school or work peers
Abusive environment
Discrimination
Family or relationship struggles
There are also additional factors which can negatively impact one’s self-esteem and mental health such as:
Excessive harsh criticism from parental or authority figures
Mental health disorders
Physical disabilities
Childhood trauma such as divorce or abuse
Emotionally distant parents
All of us at some point in our lives may experience negative feelings about ourselves, but if these feelings are persistent and are preventing us from achieving our full potential in all areas of our lives, then it is crucial to recognize the signs and seek professional help.
Our inner child is the part of us who carries emotions we experienced in our childhood. Having self-compassion and the ability to recognize any emotional wounds from childhood can help us move towards healing and develop a stronger sense of self, improving confidence and self-esteem.
Be kind to yourself
SIGNS OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM:
These are some of the most common signs of low self-esteem:
Constant negative self-talk
Self-doubting your own achievements
Difficulty in receiving compliments
Taking blame for other’s mistakes
Fear of challenges
Sensitivity to criticism
People pleasing
Fear of failure
Social withdrawal
Unhealthy habits such as alcohol or drug abuse
Sometimes even with the support of our loved ones, we find ourselves struggling to get out of difficult emotional situations. It’s a sign of courage to ask for help. A trained therapist can help clients discover their full potential and achieve success and accomplish goals.
HOW CAN THERAPY HELP REBUILD SELF-ESTEEM FROM WITHIN:
By providing a safe and nonjudgmental space, therapy is not only effective but also a neutral environment for clients to regain their self-esteem and confidence. Most important benefits from therapy to regain self-esteem are:
Manages negative thoughts and emotions
Develops coping mechanisms
Explores new hobbies and interests
Improves self-image
Builds self-acceptance
Explores past trauma experiences
Helps build support systems
Encourage growth
Set realistic goals
Improves or develops social skills
Teaches self-compassion exercises
TYPES OF THERAPY FOR REBUILDING SELF-ESTEEM:
While there are several different therapeutic approaches to self-esteem focused therapy, these are the most recommended:
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Although cognitive behavioral therapy is suitable to a variety of psychological issues, it is particularly suitable for self-esteem improvement because self-esteem is maintained by cognitive factors. This approach involves cognitive restructuring by replacing negative thinking patterns by more appropriate positive thinking and behaviors.
Narrative Therapy: With this approach, the therapist encourages their clients to detach their problems from their identities. This creates a space allowing individuals to develop self compassion and a better and more clear understanding of their self-esteem struggles. Leading to healthier coping mechanisms and the recognition of their own power and abilities.
Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT): This approach aims to encourage individuals to treat themselves with the same amount of compassion and care they treat others. It encourages self-acceptance which brings stress levels down and clients can focus on developing new paths to healing their inner child trauma experiences and improve their self-esteem.
Group Therapy: It helps clients connect with others who may be experiencing the same or similar negative feelings and low self-esteem. This experience may alleviate feelings of loneliness and isolation, giving clients an opportunity to share their own struggles and replace with a more empowered sense of self.
Psychodynamic Therapy: This long term type of therapy was developed from psychoanalysis and involves a therapist working with clients to explore between the unconscious part of our minds and our actions. It examines individuals deep thoughts and emotions that may be negatively impacting their self-esteem.
If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, always seek professional help immediately. Please call 911 or the suicide prevention lifeline at 988 or go to your local emergency room for immediate attention.
Celebrate all your achievements, even the small ones, they are the stepping stones to the big ones!
It’s not about feeling confident all the time, it’s about feeling aware that we as humans experience challenges all the time as part of our evolutionary process. It’s about enjoying our spiritual growth, which includes not only achievements but most importantly our failures and shortcomings. That’s when real learning and evolution happens. That’s when we should feel most proud of ourselves.
Failure does not mean defeat, it means opportunity for learning and growth.
I don’t believe in being perfect. I believe in embracing our humanity and our flaws and strengths, our uniqueness and differences as the only way to feel the real power that it is within all of us, the beautiful power of self-love.
You are a miracle. A miracle of nature and nature never makes mistakes.
Take a deep breath. There is so much beauty inside of you waiting to be unraveled.
Ana Brown is a Mental Health Content Writer. She holds a B.A. in Psychology, is fluent in English, Portuguese and Spanish. Ana believes we can all heal through meaningful connections. Live your best life.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Call or text 988
DISCLAIMER:
The content of these webpages and blogs and information provided is for general information and educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding any medical or mental health condition. Seek professional help immediately if you are experiencing a mental health crisis or any other medical condition.
I remember sitting quietly on the beach, in my younger years, on a gorgeous sunny day feeling the warm breeze from the ocean, my eyes closed and my feet touching the beautiful white sand, the sounds of laughter from my friends playing in the water, what a perfect vacation day, except for all I could think about was how expensive the hotel was and that I really did not need to buy that new pair of shoes, and what if the whole trip exceeded my budget and I could no longer make ends meet, what if I had an unexpected expense in the upcoming month? All of a sudden the magic of that moment was gone I was no longer enjoying my vacation day. In my mind I have taken the trip back home where all my money worries were and my especial vacation day was pretty much ruined by the intruding thoughts that kept coming as fast as the waves.
Although everyone experiences financial worries at different levels, many people do worry about finances constantly regardless of level of income. We all want to have comforts in life and all of these come with a price tag. To achieve success most of us, who are fortunate enough to have access to an education, follow similar paths, we attend good schools, then get a higher education and look for a job that will pay for all those wants and needs. But, when the paycheck does not match the lifestyle, money issues arise along with stress and anxiety.
What is money anxiety and symptoms:
constant worrying about bills and finances
insomnia
irritability
avoid checking account statements
difficulty concentrating
physical symptoms such as chest pain, stomach pains, headaches.
According to a study by CNN, 71% of Americans report money as a major cause of stress.
A Bankrate survey found that 46% of women report money issues negative impact on their mental health, creating feelings of stress, anxiety, depression and insomnia.
The American Psychological Association conducted a study which shows “72% of adults report feeling stressed about money some of the time, with 22% reporting extreme stress related to financial concerns.”
Sometimes creating budgets, decreasing spending and increasing savings is still not enough to stop stressing over money issues. There may be underlying causes related to the negative feelings associated with the challenges of financial struggles. A therapist can help identify these deep rooted issues and support clients develop a healthier relationship with money.
THE IMPORTANCE OF THERAPY IN DEALING WITH FINANCIAL ANXIETY:
“Therapy is important for individuals facing financial stressors as it helps them develop healthy coping mechanisms, decrease and manage anxiety, and build a more positive relationship with money, ultimately leading to improved financial well-being and overall mental health. Financial stress can bring up a lot of anxiety, shame, or fear. Therapy provides a safe space where individuals can express their feelings without judgment.”
When we find ourselves in situations that negatively impact our mental health, then all other areas of our lives are just as affected. Throwing a birthday party for our kid, going on a long waited vacation with family, or buying that dream home become huge stressors instead of good memories.
TYPES OF THERAPY FOR FINANCIAL STRESS:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Identifies and changes negative thought patterns, by talking about the problems and it helps clients reframe how do they relate and feel about money.
Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT): Goal oriented and short term, focused on finding the precise steps clients must take to manage money stress and financial hardships. It focuses on the solutions instead of solving the problems.
Financial Therapy: a combination of emotional support and financial education which leads to an improved emotional well being and better financial decisions.
Mindfulness-Based Therapy: Focused on present moment awareness, and thoughts and feelings,meditation, and breathing techniques to reduce automatic responses and decrease depression and anxiety.
HOW DOES THERAPY IMPROVES FINANCIAL MINDSET:
Identifies underlying causes of financial stress: In a safe therapeutic setting a client can explore all possible causes triggering money anxiety, such as past financial traumas (bankruptcy), childhood instilled values, compulsive spending, gambling, extreme debt, job loss, financial illiteracy, spending to compensate feelings of loneliness or self-esteem issues.
Develops healthy coping mechanisms: therapists teach clients new tools to manage financial stress more efficiently, including regulating emotions, learning how to make better financial decisions, such as saving and investing and practicing self-care and financial education.
Builds a healthier relationship with money: Being constantly afraid of spending any money or saving every penny are both extreme and not healthy behaviors when it comes to money management. In therapy a client learns how to balance their emotions, have more of a mindful approach to money. It helps a client to understand the emotional side of financial decisions and have a positive relationship with money.
Rebuilds Self-esteem: Always feeling stressed about money can affect anyone’s self-esteem and confidence. Money struggles bring low confidence, fear and shame. Therapists support clients by helping them find solutions for their financial struggles and by improving how they feel about themselves.
Therapists provide a safe space for clients to discuss and improve financial well being.
The difference between a financial advisor and a therapist is, the advisor only focus on the superficial aspect of money struggles and the practical steps to improve their finances, but a therapist addresses the root causes which leads to important long term behavioral changes.
Talking about money is not easy and it can feel very uncomfortable. But addressing how money anxiety is making you feel is not only important but crucial for mental and physical health. Unfortunately, in today’s society financial success seems to be directly related to one’s sense of self-worth. Money has become the center of our lives, it drives us to make almost every single decision. Money struggles can rob us of precious moments and special memories. We have become money hostages. Therapy, mindfulness and support from family and friends can lead to healthier coping strategies in dealing with financial mental struggles and the overwhelming feeling that “I will only be happy when I have more money” or “I will only be happy when my debt is paid off”.
The time to experience life is now . By being aware and present, to feel that warm breeze and the white sand underneath our feet. Not when or if , but now. Tomorrow is never guaranteed. Now is when I do want to close my eyes and remember that there is light even in darkness, and internal peace with or without money.
Seeking help is always a courageous act.
Take a deep breath. You are in charge.
Be kind. Be brave. Be well.
Always with love,
AB
Ana Brown is an Inspirational Mental Health Content Writer. She holds a B.A. in Psychology, is fluent in English, Portuguese and Spanish. Ana is a strong advocate for mental health and believes in healing through meaningful connections.
