how to talk to a child about the loss of a pet

Coping strategies for losing a pet. How can therapy help with pet grief recovery.

by Ana Brown B.A Psychology (she/her). Reviewed by Dr. Pascale Piron Psy.D., M.A., LCPC (she/her).

March 13th,2025.

She loved chasing leaves in the Fall. “Treat” was her favorite word and she was the most fun and the smartest dog I have ever had. She knew the difference between my good days and the challenging ones. Penelope was there for me all the time. During the years we spent together we had amazing times and very difficult ones too, and she helped me get through it all. The companionship and unconditional love we shared are still some of my favorite memories. When she got sick, I prayed and bargained that I could have a few more years with her, but she was ready to go despite all the efforts to keep her alive. I thought it would be easier to grieve a pet than a person, but it wasn’t. Loss is loss.

Coping with the loss of a pet can feel very different for all of us. Although the Grief model lists several stages when we refer to death, we all experience our own diverse emotions. Grief is not a “one size fits all” process. Some people may even feel relieved that their pet is no longer suffering. And some experience Complicated Grief – Mayo Clinic which is the prolonged stages of grief that “unable you to move through these stages more than a year after the death of a loved one.” If you are experiencing intense feelings after the loss of your pet, it’s important to get help, contact a licensed therapist who is trained to guide you through the stages of grief.

WHAT ARE THE STAGES OF GRIEF:

On her book “On death and Dying” Elizabeth Kubler-Ross explained the five stages of grief in 1969. These stages apply not only to the loss of a human loved one but also to the loss of a beloved pet. The stages are listed as:

• Denial – A defense mechanism that numbs the shock of a loss and helps us navigate through the first initial painful feelings related to loss. The sensation that the situation feels “surreal” or “I cannot believe this is happening.”
• Anger – After reality sets in, usually the next stage is anger, when people feel the urge to blame someone for the pain we are feeling. Blame family, friends or the veterinary who was caring for the pet.
• Bargain – The bargaining stage refers to a desperate attempt to bargain, usually with a higher power, with themselves or even with their lost pet. It involves intense emotions and irrational attempts to bring their lost pet back. “If only I could see her one more time.”
• Depression – Or extreme sadness is the stage in which grief sets the reality we must face. Some people may go into withdraw from family and friends, and others may reach out for support.
• Acceptance – The final stage, and a challenging one, where mourners accept the loss and must move on without their beloved pets. Most people recognize the special time spent together and are ready to focus on the beautiful memories made.

WHAT IS DISENFRANCHISED GRIEF?

Often times people do not understand the grieving process for the loss of a pet. As sad as this may be, unfortunately, it is a fact that in general society does not recognize the strength and depth of a pet-human bond and the immense and great sadness associated with the death of our pets.

This disregard and dismissal of mourner’s deep sadness usually lead into isolation during this period making the healing process even more difficult. Hence the importance of seeking professional help. In a therapeutic setting, the complex and devastating feelings related to the loss of a pet are validated, understood and processed to allow clients to move through the stages and return to their normal lives feeling empowered.

Disenfranchised Grief: When no one seems to understand your loss. Also known as hidden grief or sorrow, refers to any grief that goes unacknowledged or invalidated by social norms.

Healthline.com

HOW CAN THERAPY HELP WITH THE LOSS OF A PET:

• Safe space: A licensed therapist creates a safe space for you to discuss negative emotions and extreme sadness or depression related to the loss of a pet.
• Underlying issues: During therapy sessions therapists help clients identify prior mental health issues that may be triggered by the loss of their pets and offer a suitable treatment plan.
• Coping mechanisms: Therapists teach clients different techniques and tools on how to cope with extreme sadness over the loss of a pet. Such as journaling or any other self-care activities which promote healing.
• Honoring your pet’s memory : Therapists can guide you in creating different ways to keep your pet’s memory alive. Some examples include creating a memory garden, finding a non-profit pet organization to donate, compiling photos and memorabilia for a memory box or simply recalling special times together.
• Pain relief: A therapy session is a time when you can feel safe and encouraged to open up about the difficult feelings after the loss of a pet. This can promote healing and a sense of relief.
• Finding joy again: A therapist can guide you in finding joy again in new activities, hobbies and interests, exploring new ways to stay busy and looking into the future.
• Accept the loss: It takes a while for all of us to accept loss. For some people it may take longer than usual, impacting their daily activities and their ability to function at work or at home. Therapy can help clients accept loss and work through the process of closure.

Find a licensed therapist here

There are many ways to handle pet loss emotionally, to process grief and get bereavement support. Therapists can prevent clients from developing long lasting negative impact on their mental health after losing a loved pet by encouraging resilience and focusing on the positive feelings deriving from the special memories with their pets while also validating their mourning and pain.

Loss is never easy and it is inevitable. But, we don’t have to go through these heartbreaking moments alone. Reach out for help. Avoid isolation and focus on the amazing time spent together. The relationship with our pets is pure and free of resentments, it’s about unconditional love and the most loyal friendship we can experience. I miss Penelope terribly, but I know she is somewhere chasing leaves on a beautiful Fall afternoon. And this is where my heart stays. On our beautiful story together.

Be kind. Be brave. Be well.

Always with love,

AB

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HELPFUL LINKS:

• https://emergepg.com
• Helpguide.org
• Humane World for Animals
• AVMA – American Veterinary Association – Coping with the loss of a pet

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