Have you ever watched a child perform in a school play? Dance or sing on a stage? Have you noticed how did they respond to their audience clapping and cheering them on? Usually, you can tell they are proud of themselves and if you are lucky you will be able to catch a big smile on their faces. I remember feeling powerful and so good about myself as a child after a piano or dance recital, because I accomplished a goal or learned a complex task. It built my sense of self. And the more I learned the better I felt about my talents and capabilities. But at some point, in our adolescence or adult lives, traumatic events can make us self-doubt or question our abilities. Faced with difficult events, adults can struggle to find solutions for adverse unexpected situations. For instance, teenagers may start comparing themselves to others, and we feel inadequate or a failure for not being able to perform as well under pressure , stress or loss. Our inner child becomes afraid and our self-esteem can be affected.
Our self-esteem is a trait we build on from early childhood. Contrary to popular belief, we are not born self-confident. Several factors can contribute or interfere with children’s and adult’s self-esteem. During our early childhood , if we have a supportive community, we are encouraged to develop skills which in turn make us feel good about ourselves, make us feel powerful and capable.
Studies show that self-esteem increases quickly up to age 30, these are the years that most of us are in school and building careers, learning complex roles. Self-esteem continues climbing but slightly more gradually up to age 60, and the sharp decline happens around age 90.
Self-esteem reflects a person’s physical self-image, view of their accomplishment and capabilities, and values and perceived success in living up to them, as well as the ways in which others view and respond to their person. The more positive the cumulative perception of these qualities and characteristics, the higher one’s self-esteem.”
According to an article by Beth Sissons on Medical News Today, several factors can directly affect one’s self-esteem or confidence such as but not limited to:
Work or school performance results
Pressure to excel from social media
Body image
Community support
Skill levels
Achievements
Pressure to fit in
Perfectionism
Bullying from school or work peers
Abusive environment
Discrimination
Family or relationship struggles
There are also additional factors which can negatively impact one’s self-esteem and mental health such as:
Excessive harsh criticism from parental or authority figures
Mental health disorders
Physical disabilities
Childhood trauma such as divorce or abuse
Emotionally distant parents
All of us at some point in our lives may experience negative feelings about ourselves, but if these feelings are persistent and are preventing us from achieving our full potential in all areas of our lives, then it is crucial to recognize the signs and seek professional help.
Our inner child is the part of us who carries emotions we experienced in our childhood. Having self-compassion and the ability to recognize any emotional wounds from childhood can help us move towards healing and develop a stronger sense of self, improving confidence and self-esteem.
Be kind to yourself
SIGNS OF LOW SELF-ESTEEM:
These are some of the most common signs of low self-esteem:
Constant negative self-talk
Self-doubting your own achievements
Difficulty in receiving compliments
Taking blame for other’s mistakes
Fear of challenges
Sensitivity to criticism
People pleasing
Fear of failure
Social withdrawal
Unhealthy habits such as alcohol or drug abuse
Sometimes even with the support of our loved ones, we find ourselves struggling to get out of difficult emotional situations. It’s a sign of courage to ask for help. A trained therapist can help clients discover their full potential and achieve success and accomplish goals.
HOW CAN THERAPY HELP REBUILD SELF-ESTEEM FROM WITHIN:
By providing a safe and nonjudgmental space, therapy is not only effective but also a neutral environment for clients to regain their self-esteem and confidence. Most important benefits from therapy to regain self-esteem are:
Manages negative thoughts and emotions
Develops coping mechanisms
Explores new hobbies and interests
Improves self-image
Builds self-acceptance
Explores past trauma experiences
Helps build support systems
Encourage growth
Set realistic goals
Improves or develops social skills
Teaches self-compassion exercises
TYPES OF THERAPY FOR REBUILDING SELF-ESTEEM:
While there are several different therapeutic approaches to self-esteem focused therapy, these are the most recommended:
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Although cognitive behavioral therapy is suitable to a variety of psychological issues, it is particularly suitable for self-esteem improvement because self-esteem is maintained by cognitive factors. This approach involves cognitive restructuring by replacing negative thinking patterns by more appropriate positive thinking and behaviors.
Narrative Therapy: With this approach, the therapist encourages their clients to detach their problems from their identities. This creates a space allowing individuals to develop self compassion and a better and more clear understanding of their self-esteem struggles. Leading to healthier coping mechanisms and the recognition of their own power and abilities.
Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT): This approach aims to encourage individuals to treat themselves with the same amount of compassion and care they treat others. It encourages self-acceptance which brings stress levels down and clients can focus on developing new paths to healing their inner child trauma experiences and improve their self-esteem.
Group Therapy: It helps clients connect with others who may be experiencing the same or similar negative feelings and low self-esteem. This experience may alleviate feelings of loneliness and isolation, giving clients an opportunity to share their own struggles and replace with a more empowered sense of self.
Psychodynamic Therapy: This long term type of therapy was developed from psychoanalysis and involves a therapist working with clients to explore between the unconscious part of our minds and our actions. It examines individuals deep thoughts and emotions that may be negatively impacting their self-esteem.
If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, always seek professional help immediately. Please call 911 or the suicide prevention lifeline at 988 or go to your local emergency room for immediate attention.
Celebrate all your achievements, even the small ones, they are the stepping stones to the big ones!
It’s not about feeling confident all the time, it’s about feeling aware that we as humans experience challenges all the time as part of our evolutionary process. It’s about enjoying our spiritual growth, which includes not only achievements but most importantly our failures and shortcomings. That’s when real learning and evolution happens. That’s when we should feel most proud of ourselves.
Failure does not mean defeat, it means opportunity for learning and growth.
I don’t believe in being perfect. I believe in embracing our humanity and our flaws and strengths, our uniqueness and differences as the only way to feel the real power that it is within all of us, the beautiful power of self-love.
You are a miracle. A miracle of nature and nature never makes mistakes.
Take a deep breath. There is so much beauty inside of you waiting to be unraveled.
Ana Brown is a Mental Health Content Writer. She holds a B.A. in Psychology, is fluent in English, Portuguese and Spanish. Ana believes we can all heal through meaningful connections. Live your best life.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Call or text 988
DISCLAIMER:
The content of these webpages and blogs and information provided is for general information and educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding any medical or mental health condition. Seek professional help immediately if you are experiencing a mental health crisis or any other medical condition.
Nothing can prepare us for parenthood. And absolutely nothing can prepare us for when our children become teenagers. The first years of being a parent are mainly focus on trying to keep our kids alive and safe. We have control over almost everything surrounding them, from what they eat, to what they wear, who do they play with and what makes them happy or sad. Until puberty hits, and everything changes. Suddenly, we are no longer their focus, their friends are, and a wall of silence and distance is now between us and them. Although every child is different, this shifting in behavior is pretty normal and contrary to what some parents believe, this is expected and necessary for them to acquire their own identity.
According to The World Health Organization “Adolescence is the phase of life between childhood and adulthood, from ages 10 to 19.It is a unique stage of human development and an important time for laying the foundations of good health.” It also adds that although the teenager years are thought of “as a healthy stage of life, there is significant death, illness and injury in the adolescent years. Much of this is preventable or treatable.”
Talking to teenagers about mental health is not invading their privacy, it’s an act of love. Teenagers nowadays are experiencing a significant increase in mental health issues and disorders due to an elevated number of societal stressors such as but not limited to:
social pressure: they need to fit in a world where our value is measured by the number of followers on social media. The constant comparison to unachievable professional goals or body image, leads to a severe decline in self-esteem that can lead to heighten levels of anxiety and depression.
Family dynamics: Witnessing divorce between parents and financial struggles in families can significantly increase stress in teenagers. In addition, teenagers are seeking their own identity which sometimes clash with their parents own values and expectations, causing conflict and disappointments.
Peer pressure: Teens seek constant approval from their peers, and the desire to fit in can lead to risk behaviors such as experimenting with alcohol, drugs and vaping. Often leading to under performance in school, strained relationships and/or legal problems.
HOW TO TALK TO YOUR TEEN ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH:
Although teens communication skills are far better than when they were children, their prefrontal cortex (the part that controls reasoning and emotional regulation) is not fully developed yet.Here are some tips on how to approach your teen about mental health:
Go for a drive together: face to face conversations with a teen about mental health can be intimidating and they may feel in the “hot seat”, making it harder for them to open up about difficult feelings. In a car, nobody needs to face each other, creating a more relaxed setting, teens may feel uncomfortable with intense eye contact.
Share your experience: connection is what makes people put their guard down and be more prone to an open and honest conversation. By sharing a time when you also made mistakes, you teen will also feel ok to be vulnerable, and hopefully will in return share important feelings as well.
Ask open-ended questions: avoid asking questions with “yes” or “no” answers, which will limit the amount of information exchanged. Try questions like “tell me about your sleepover” or “tell me about the party”.
Don’t interrupt: practice intent listening, allow your teen to finish their train of thought, avoid giving lectures, sometimes all they need is someone to just listen and allow and encourage them to learn on their own.
SIGNS YOUR TEEN NEEDS PROFESSIONAL HELP:
There are several signs your teen is struggling with their mental health. As a parent or a caregiver, you should be able to recognize behaviors that differ from normal patterns, and determine if it is time to seek professional help. Healthychildren.org explains that “aside from mood swings, irritability, anger and tear fulness, you may see:
Changes in sleeping patterns, eating and weight.
Loss of interest in activities previous liked
Social isolation
Canceling plans with friends for no apparent reason
Failing in school
Intrusive and running thoughts causing extreme anxiety
Sudden new group of friends
Refusal to discuss mental health challenges or feelings.
*40% reported persistent feelings of sadness and hopelessness.
*20% reported seriously considering attempting suicide in the past year.
*22% reported drinking alcohol within the past 30 days
Now you have determined that the best course of action is supporting your teenager mental health with therapy, but which type of therapy?
Art therapy helps clients process trauma, anxiety, depression and many other behavioral disorders.
Art Therapy is one of the most beneficial and recommended types of therapy for teenagers struggling with mental health. Art Therapy is a non-threatening way for teenagers to express emotions, it helps them open up about their negative feelings by creating a bridge to communication with caregivers about mental health.
Talking to our teens about difficult or uncomfortable topics can be daunting, challenging, and may even feel impossible. Teens may not have the language, understanding, or comfort needed to discuss complex issues around mental health. Art Therapy is a unique tool that has the ability to allow people to express themselves without having to search for the words to do so. The creative and emotional parts of our brains are intertwined in an extraordinarily powerful relationship. Art allows us to connect with feelings we may not have even known existed. Art therapy is a safe, organic, nontraditional instrument that can be used to connect to teens, and even more important, given them space to connect to themselves.”
Jasmin Portaz, M.A., LPC, ATR-P (she/her) – Emerge Psychology Group
“Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life”
Pablo Picasso
HOW DOES ART THERAPY SUPPORTS YOUR TEEN MENTAL HEALTH:
Art Therapy is a creative path to mental health healing for teenagers and involves a variety of tools and methods to allow teenagers to express their feelings through the use of art, such as collage, painting, drawing and sculpting.
Art Therapy Activities:
Painting
Drawing
Sculpting
Collage
color wheel
art journaling
According to The American Congress o Rehabilitation Medicine “making or even seeing art can impact the brain.”
Art Therapy benefits:
Communication skills improvement
boosts self-esteem
Emotional regulation
Reduced stress and anxiety
New tools to cope with depression
Self-expression
Emotional resilience
It’s disturbing and heartbreaking to know that many teenagers do not receive the appropriate treatment for mental health struggles during adolescence. Without support teenagers will develop long lasting mental disorders which will negatively impact the rest of their lives as adults.
As a parent, I understand the challenges of raising a teenager. Embracing adolescence and all the ups and downs of teenager years pretty much feels like a roller coaster. You are aware it’s scary but you still want to embark in this journey together, knowing there is always sunshine after the storm. With patience, an open heart and if needed, professional help, you and your teenager can navigate these turbulent waters together until reaching calmer waters.
Don’t just go through the teenager years, GROW through it.
Be kind. Be brave. Be well.
Always with love,
AB
Ana Brown is an Inspirational Mental Health Content Writer. She holds a B.A in Psychology, is fluent in English and Portuguese and is a strong advocate for Mental Health. She believes we can heal each other through meaningful connections. Live your best life.
How can a therapist help build better communication skills and effective conflict resolution strategies for couples.Why couples therapy is worth the investment for your relationship.
by Ana Brown, B.A. Psychology. Reviewed by Dr. Pascale Piron, Psy.D., M.A.,LCPC.
Feb 05th, 2025 2.58PM PST
How can couple therapy help you improve your relationship.
I was having dinner with some friends at a restaurant when we all noticed a couple arguing very loud and they were visibly emotional. It didn’t take long until one of them stormed out of the room leaving her partner perplexed and in disbelief, but a few seconds later he also walked out of the room. We could all see the parking lot from where we were seating, where they exchanged a few more words and walked out in different directions.
Not many people can say they have never experienced communication problems in their relationships. I personally and unfortunately don’t know anyone and I include myself. From the beginning of times couples have always struggled with telling one another how did they really feel deep inside. People are afraid of rejection and judgement. We prefer to avoid conflict then deal with issues arising from our relationships. This lack of proper communication according to National Library of Medicine leads to a variety of issues “Communication occupies a central role in models of relationship deterioration, as intimate bonds are believed to remain strong to the extent that partners respond with sensitivity to one another.” (e.g., Reis & Patrick, 1996). Basically, when couples struggle to communicate, it leads to a series of issues across the spectrum of their entire relationship, physically and emotionally.
HOW DO I KNOW IF MY RELATIONSHIP NEEDS THERAPY:
Couples therapy dates back to early 20th century, as a mix of psychoeducation and advice giving with no scientific backing. During that initial stage couples were not seeing together but in separate sessions. The focus was on each partner struggles separately and not communication between them as a couple. By 1980’s the work has evolved into a mature discipline separate from family therapy. It became clear that the foundation of a healthy relationship is proper communication, and if you and your partner are not clearly communicating feelings, expectations and needs, there will be signs it’s time to get help:
SIGNS YOUR RELATIONSHIP NEEDS COUPLES THERAPY: ( one of the partners or both are experiencing:)
frequent arguing
unresolved issues
lying about finances
constant separate social lives
secret friendships
trust issues
infidelity
no intimacy
daily parenting styles disagreements
jealousy
life-changing decisions disagreements
long term family goals differences
resentment over past issues
Most couples experience stressors in the course of their relationship, however, if these stressors are preventing one or both individuals from having positive interactions with one another the majority of their time together, then it’s time to reevaluate how to move forward. If there is love and the will to work through the differences, then there is a way.
There is no shame in and there should never be a stigma attached to finding help to save your relationship or your marriage and potentially your family.
Types of couples therapy for better communication and relationship improvement:
According to the American Psychological Association (2023) “Couples counselling , couples therapy, or marital therapy occurs when two people who are in a relationship are treated together by one therapist.”
Here are the main types of couples therapy interventions proven to help couples communicate more efficiently, establish healthier boundaries and move towards a positive and more functional relationship:
Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples (EFT): It identifies each partner insecure attachment patterns and negative emotions relating to past traumatic experiences and how it affects their relationship with a partner by creating conflict. This enables the couple to move their relationship into a functional and healthier dynamic.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps couples improve communication skills in their relationship by identifying their individual negative emotions, feelings and challenging behaviors which are detrimental to the relationship, enabling the couple to learn healthier communication patterns and useful conflict resolution tools. Basically, preventing personal individual trauma projection onto your partner. The PTSD Clinical Practice Guideline cites CBT as “Indeed, CBT is an approach for which there is ample scientific evidence that the methods that have been developed actually produce change.”
The Gottman Method: Based on the research by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, this method identified what Gottman called ” The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse” , four main stressors that can predict break ups or divorces: stonewalling, criticism, defensiveness and contempt. The Gottman Institute explains: ” The goals of the Gottman Method Couples Therapy are to disarm conflicting verbal communication, increase intimacy, respect, and affection, remove barriers that create a feeling of stagnancy, and create a heightened sense of empathy and understanding within the context of the relationship.
These are just some of the many types of couples therapies available to you as an important resource if you want to improve your communications skills with your partner, overcome past traumatic issues such as infidelity, establish healthier boundaries, align your values as a couple. improve physical and emotional intimacy, or any other challenges preventing you and your loved one to enjoy your time together.
Falling in love can be an amazing experience but staying in love is a very challenging journey. The demands of everyday life such as finances, work, children, personal health and family issues can literally transform what started out as a beautiful life as a couple into a path of mutual destruction, with serious personal consequences for each partner and everyone around including innocent children. The consequences of unresolved issues between two people in a committed relationship can have long term devastating effects. Couples therapy can prevent the loss of a great future with the ones we love.
Passion alone is not enough to sustain any relationships in the long run. Mutual respect, healthy boundaries and a willingness to forgive and grow individually and together as a couple is what builds foundation for a lifetime partnership. Love evolves and it should transform itself as we evolve and transform ourselves as individuals.
Dr. Pascale Piron, Psy.D., M.A., LCPC Executive director and Founder of the renowned Chicago, IL based Emerge Psychology Group explains: “Couples Therapy ultimately helps a person to improve their active and reflective listening skills, teaches one how to communicate their needs and wants, leading to a deeper understanding of the self, and of the self in relationships”.
WHY COUPLES THERAPY IS WORTH THE INVESTMENT FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP:
Couples therapy helps us find the language of love that our partner speaks. We come into relationships with all our emotional baggage and past traumas, with our parents languages of love instilled in our personalities, and we expect and assume that our loved ones should automatically know what we need and expect in a relationship. Without proper communication skills and trust, it becomes impossible to develop a stronger , fulfilling and rewarding bond as a couple . A trained therapist can create a safe space for couples to learn more about each other’s languages of love.
Like the couple from the restaurant, many of us end up leaving and going in different directions from the initial meeting point of love. Finding a trained couples therapy Psychologist can help bring couples back to an emotionally safer place and to redirect where both partners want the relationship to go moving forward.
“The course of true love did never run smooth”
William Shakespeare
Life is always better together. Love will always prevail and help is always one call away.
Be brave. Be kind. Be well.
AB
Ana Brown is an Inspirational Mental Health & Wellness Content writer. She holds a B.A in Psychology, is a published Author and speaks English and Portuguese. She advocates for mental health education and self-care practices. Live your best life.
Ana Brown
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If you are experiencing domestic violence, or feel in immediate danger or life-threatening situation dial 911.
